Do you confused that your girlfriend wants you to use her vibrator together? If you need to bring sex toys into our bedroom, then isn’t that a sign that something in the relationship needs fixing?

The fact that your girlfriend has vibrators does not mean that there is anything wrong with your sexual relationship. Research shows that 52% of women use vibrators, alone or with a partner, and that those women are more sexually satisfied. In theory, that should be good for your girlfriend and it should take the pressure off you. In practice, I can understand where you are coming from. In a parallel universe, if I had a boyfriend and he wanted to introduce me to his ‘guybrator’, I think I would feel exactly the way you do. I would wonder why he needed it when I was perfectly willing to help out.

I have found that most men are comfortable with their partners using vibes in private, but at Indiana University, when sex researcher Debbie Herbenick explored the use of sex toys in couple relationships, she found that 14.1% of heterosexual women did not tell their male partner that they used female sex toys because knowing that she masturbated or used good vibrators would “question his manhood” or “make him feel less of a man.”

Until recently, rabbit vibrators had more phallic designs because it was assumed that women achieved orgasm through penetrative sex. As understanding of female sexual response has grown, the importance of clitoral stimulation has been acknowledged, and sex toys design has changed to reflect that. A good example is the Tenga Kushi, which looks suspiciously like a little white hedgehog, yet it feels soft and is easy to use.

Good vibrations can be a really positive part of a couple’s relationship and lots of women who have never been able to climax with a partner find that using vibrators during intercourse allows them to.

Perhaps reading this response will give you the confidence to start a conversation with her. Ultimately, if you don’t feel comfortable, it is perfectly OK to say that you signed up for a relationship with her, not a sexual device. However, sometimes it is worth challenging core beliefs because you might enjoy her way of doing things just as much as she does.